


To Be A Dude

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Romance, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-08
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-11 16:50:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/480702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So say you're me and you kind of like this girl. You've known this girl for awhile and you soon develop a crush on her.</p><p>Sound familiar yet?</p><p>How about legitimately wanting to spend the rest of your life with her? </p><p>Okay, you got that? Alright, now get a load of this.</p><p>Let's say that she wants to be a guy. Like for real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dead Last

**Author's Note:**

> edit: this is a really bad fanfic but it was my first one and i was venting about me coming out as trans. i was going to edit it to make it better but i dont even care anymore. so yeah, there are a lot of slurs in here. be careful.

Alright, so you know how when you roll down a hill, if you've ever rolled down a hill, that you don't really feel much as you make your way down? But when you finally are down, and the adrenaline has past, you feel sore or itchy? It's like, _holy shit! I could got fuckin' stabbed by them there rocks on that there hill! Why didn't I feel them until now?_ I mean, maybe that's just me but I'm just trying to find a comparison. But I guess I'll have to go with _drinking out of your gross friend's cup and only realizing after you've ingested their backwash._

 

Well, that kind of happened to me. Of course, it had nothing to do with hills or backwash or anything stupid like that. But it was similar in two distinctive ways. One: I never really paid close attention or noticed until it was too late. Two: When I did noticed, my whole world basically crumpled down.

 

Johanna Egbert is her name. Or shall I dare say it? _Was_ her name. Uh, was _his_ name. 

 

It was our first year of highschool. We were breaking in the maturity pants. You know the feeling. The brand new and uncomfortable pair of jeans you bought that you could have sworn was at least two sizes bigger when you bought them. The more you wear them, the more you get use to them. And considering that we had to wear these jeans every week day, you shouldn't be surprised that we got use to them. But like jeans that are typically worn almost every day, they become drentched in a horrible stink and earn holes here and there. Do you see where I'm going with this highschool-jeans thing?

 

Highschool is usually the time where most teenagers are looking to find themselves. You know, to search for who they really are in this big monster's pit of life. So when Johanna Egbert cut her shoulder length long hair into an incredibly messy mop, I thought nothing of it (aside from how spunky she looked). When she wore less blouses and skirts and replaced her with cargo pants and weird shirts she bought off the internet, I shrugged it off (noting how cute of a total dork she is). Even when the lumps on her chest seemed to vanish, I just guessed that she used some new type of bra so her boobs wouldn't sag (I wasn't _that_ off). I mean, so what? She got a new haircut, fixed up her closet, and changed her underwear. Big deal, right?

 

Usually Mr. Egbert, Johanna's dad, doesn't let too many guys over her house. Even if they're friends. He only allows them over when there are other girls over, or when he's able to hover over and watch out for any hands inching dangerously close to his daughter. So yeah, you would imagine me feeling like something was out of place when Johanna called me, only me, over to watch a movie without dad constantly barging in. In fact, I was totally expecting it to happen.

 

Instead, he gave us our space and we watched a movie that I've watched five times, and Johanna ten. She knew as well as I did that in situations like these, where we already know what's going to happen, we didn't really pay attention to the movie. Instead, we usually had a chat about something important that couldn't be said over pesterchum.

 

It took her until the roof scene of Ghost Rider for her to actually pull us into the topic of why she brought me over in the first place. "Hey, Dave?"

 

I look down at her through my shades. I've always worn shades, but not at night. But these were different. Johanna gave me these shades, so these were practically touched by the holy goddess. Knowing she had my attention (which she always did), she continued. "You know you're my best friend, right?" She didn't even have to wait for an answer; she knew. "Can I ask you a question?"

 

If a girl invited you over to watch a movie and asked you that, your heart would have been beating as fast as mine. I knew where this was going. Or at least I thought I knew? "Yeah. Shoot."

 

She gave a smile. At the same time, she was pursing her lips. She did that a lot and it only looked pretty stupid. Stupid as in silly. Silly as in dweeby. Dweeby as in cute. "Okay, well I've been wondering for something for awhile but I honestly have no idea." She looked down and gave a smile that could viciously hunt down a man and rip his heart out. I braced myself and tried to keep from giving my own goofy grin.

 

"If I were a guy, what kinda name would you think suit me the most?" Johanna looked at me with her blue eyes.

 

My mouth was open, just a little. I wasn't expecting that, but being the slick guy I was, I could easily turn that confused and surprised expression into one of thought. And I did think. I thought hard. I'm not the most creative guy in the world when it comes to names. Something that started with J? Or was that too cliche? Damn, I had no idea. The first name I could come up with was one of the most common English names there was to offer. "John?"

 

I watched her through my dark lenses as she scrunched up her eyebrows and mouthed the name to herself. _John, John. Johanna? John? John._

 

The anticipation and curiosity was practically tearing me away as I waited for her to say something. Soon enough, she looked up and nodded. "Okay, then! John!" She smiled. "I like that. Can you call me John from now on?"

 

Suddenly being slick wasn't enough. Nothing could hide my dropping jaw as I stared at her in puzzlement. "Uh- What? Why?"

 

She gave a shrug and pursed her lips, this time with less smile. "I guess it's because I'm gonna stop considering being a girl now."

 

I don't do too many puzzles. In fact, I never do them. But you don't need expierence with puzzles when the one you're doing barely has any pieces. This was finally when it all dawned on me. When the final piece of a four piece puzzle came to place.

 

When Johanna Egbert was searching for herself, she found a boy named John Egbert.

 

And I was the last one to realize this.


	2. What to do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So say you're me and you don't really no how to react to your best friend/ crush wanting to be a guy.
> 
> Lets also say you've got two other good friends you talk to. Surely they've known about this before you did.
> 
> And they did.

How are you suppose to react when your female crush becomes male? Questions and concerns filled my mind and I swear other thoughts began to pour out because of the lack of space. Like, I don't know, my ability to speak sanely.

The night continued on. Since I didn't know how to reply, I instead decided to play a little game. It's sort of a past time between our small group of friends.There's this game we do where we turn the volume off and make a new story, saying whatever we want as our characters speak. It's kind of hard, especailly when you don't know how long they'll be speaking, but since we've watched this plenty of times we were just fine. I reached for the remote and muted it. She looked up and raised an eyebrow, but soon smiled. I didn't know how she felt about me changing the subject but since she didn't say anything, I assumed it was alright. "Let me be Johnny this time. I've been practicing my Cage voice."

 

When the movie finished, I got up ready to go home. It wasn't late, but I told her my brother wanted me home early. That wasn't true, since my Bro was pretty damn chill with these sort of things. But I went anyways because I didn't want to talk to her anymore about _you-know-what._

Bro was lounging on his futon when I finally arrived. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his face lift up from his magazine and his mouth about to move. I immediately escaped to my room. Sometimes you just know when your brother didn't want to talk. Bro's like an expert with that.

The questions were still flying around inside my head as I slowly sat down and pulled off my shirt. What exactly was I suppose to do? What the hell is Johanna thinking? The thing was that I've just always seen her as a sensitive and petite girl. And she always was. When we were younger, she use to cry a lot. It only took a stern look from a teacher to get her on the bridge of tears. Even in middle school, the height of her weird japanese phase I had to resort to becoming her 'white knight' on various websites whenever someone bashed on her art. Not saying she was a great artist, but what else was I suppose to do?

And now what? She expected to be a guy all of a sudden? That wasn't how it worked. And I wanted to tell her that. Did her dad know? She was already pretty spoiled, so knowing her dad he fully supported every decision she made. But how would he feel loosing his little girl? Goddamn.

Nothing made sense anymore. But I did know someone who seemed to always know everything.

I hurried over to my desk and leaned against the chair. I always set my status to 'offline' when I was away from my computer since I never really shut it off. But this time, I kept it off. Johanna was online and I couldn't talk to her. Not yet.

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 20:13 -- 

TG: rose  
TG: okay get a load of this  
TG: i was chilling at jos house just a little while ago  
TG: watching one of her shitty movies when all of a sudden  
TG: she goes hey dave im pretty dumb with this and i need help give me a guy name   
TT: And you said John.  
TG: woah how did you know did she tell you already  
TT: Yes. Nice going, the wit inside your cranium is overwhelming.  
TT: I'm just kidding. John is a fine name. I think it suits him.  
TG: wait what  
TG: are we talking about the same person here  
TG: im talking about johanna   
TT: We are definitely talking about the same person.  
TG: yeah you know she started talking about not being a girl anymore or something whats that about  
TT: You're from Texas, right?  
TG: yeah  
TT: Well, our friend is identifying as transgender. Do you know what this is?  
TG: youre making me feel stupid  
TG: oh no dave you know shit about all this crap let me take this golden fucking opportunity to show off how much crap i know  
TT: Shut up and listen to me. This is important. To be transgender basically means that you identify as the opposite gender from what you were born from. Example, John would rather be male than female.  
TG: uh  
TT: It's not that hard of a concept.  
TG: okay okay yeah  
TG: but why are you calling her john and he its not like she got a sex change or anything  
TT: Sex just not always equal gender.  
TG: huh  
TT: Dave. This is his choice. And as a friend, you've got to see him through it. I know it seems odd but it's the least we can do for him.  
TG: this is so fucked up what is she even getting out of pretending to be a dude anyways  
TT: I suggest that you never say 'pretending to be a dude' ever again. Or at least not in front of him. Pretending is not identifying.   
TG: it still makes no sense  
TT: I understand that you might be frustrated with this, considering your situation.  
TG: how can you understand  
TG: youre not the one who is totally head over heals with some girl who says shes some guy  
TG: does this make me gay or something  
TG: because wow last time i checked i was straight  
TT: I'll try to keep in mind how close-minded you are as I attempt to calmly spell this out for you.  
TG: keep your spelling for school this is not helping  
TT: I'm trying to help you out here. Through me a bone, will you? All I'm saying is that you go with it. Use male pronouns. Call him John. If you really like him that you won't mind whether or not he is male or female.  
TG: i guess  
TG: im going to talk to harely does she know this  
TT: Yes.  
TT: In fact, according to John, you're the last one he told. He wanted to have you pick out a name.  
TG: fuck everything

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 20:28 --

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 20:28 --

TG: johanna says shes a guy and rose isnt making any sense what do i do  
GG: uh oh!  
GG: rose just warned me about you  
TG: warned you  
GG: yep! about how youre being a total douchenozzle   
GG: oh boo hoo! my crush is a guy now! big deal  
TG: youre being insensitive toward my feelings stop it i think i might cry again  
GG: hehehe youve been crying?? not much of a tough guy now are you?  
TG: yeah this is like the third time i cried today i cant take it  
GG: i hope youre not being serious  
TG: im not  
GG: okay good but whats the problem anyways :/  
TG: uh hello where have you been  
TG: jo wants to be a guy  
GG: so?? whats wrong with that! dont you ever pay attention! she makes a great guy!  
TG: yeah but thats not the point shes been what a girl for most of her life like do you really think she will really be able to pull this off  
GG: dave dave dave! you just dont understand! >:o  
TG: what do you mean  
GG: you dont need a penis to be a guy!  
TG: you dont  
GG: not at all! :D  
GG: you must be swift as a coursing river!  
GG: with all the force of a great typhoon!  
TG: no wait  
GG: with all the strength of a raging fire!  
TG: stop it  
GG: mysterious as the dark side of the....  
TG: jade im serious  
GG: ...MOOOOOOON!!!!  
GG: im being serious too! its true dave!  
TG: fuck this im gonna go to bed  
GG: wait dave! hold on!

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 20:36 -- 

 

 

I rolled back on my chair and groaned. This wasn't happening. I was sleeping. Yeah, probably. This was all some horrible nightmare. I got up from the chair and turned the fan on before falling down face first into my bed. I didn't bother changing at all; this was all too exhausting. I closed my eyes and hoped that everything would change in the morning. That everything would go back to normal. That Johanna wasn't thinking about being a boy. She was just going through a tomboy phase.

Everything was going to be fine.

   
  
---  
  
**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although there wasn't *TONS* of feedback, all the comments and kudos really made me happy. Thanks to all.
> 
> aaargh pesterlogs are pretty weird since I never really bothered to get in character with Jade and Rose. I hope I did alright.
> 
> And you know that TV game the two were playing at the beginning? Inspired from the awesome book, Suicide Note. :)


	3. Ready your weapon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Say you're me and your damsel is in distress. But lets also say you kind of don't want to save her. The dragon is just daring you to try. You don't want to do this at all.
> 
> But it already seems the Prince of your kingdom already set you up for it.

"Hello? Who's this?

Who?

Oh. What do you need?

No, we're not doing anything today. Why?

Yeah? I'm sure he'd love that. What? Hey it's no problem. His lazy ass needs to get out of the house anyways.

Yeah alright, I'll tell him."

 

I was in that state where you've just woken up but you're still kind of asleep. I didn't want to get up so I just laid there with my eyes closed as I listened to my brother talk on my phone. I usually just let him since I never really had anything to hid from him, but I was curious on the conversation. I gave a mighty yawn before mumbling over to him. "Who was that?"

"Johanna." He set my cellphone on my desk. "Get up and get dressed. You're gonna meet her in an hour at Seven Eleven, ya hear?"

There was a pause before I held myself up by my elbows and stared at him. "What? Why?"

He looked at me and rose an eyebrow. "She said she wants to talk with you. It sounds important." Bro made his way over to the bed and sat down. He was about to make a bigger deal out of this, obviously. "Why you askin'? Shouldn't you be poppin' champagne bottles? Your girl asked you out on two dates in less than a twenty four hour time span." He himself paused as he stared at my face. "What happened last night?"

I groaned and ran both hands through my hair as I collapsed back on the pillow. "I don't want to talk about it. Like, maybe later but now's not the time." I looked over to him and saw that he was still looking at me. "It's not that big of a deal. Let me see if I can handle this on my own before you push the panic button for panty bunching."

His eyebrows rose and quickly fell. That was kind of his way of shrugging. He placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed before getting up. "Alright, big boy. Don't screw up."

"Bite me." I muttered as he walked out the door. I replayed exactly what happened about it in my mind. I then headed over to the computer and checked last night's pester logs. Dear god, last night was not a dream. Sorry, Dave the Knight. You can't just simply win the Heiress's heart! You've got to beat the evil dragon! A monster called... John Egbert! I sighed and got up, slowly getting up to get ready. I had to meet her in an hour. What time was it? Nine? Too early for a sunday.

 

Despite being reluctant about this whole situation, I finally found myself walking into the doors of the old Seven Eleven by our school. It had just opened awhile ago and was pretty empty aside from the raven-haired freshmen sipping on a slurpy. I shoved my hands into my jean pockets and casually walked over to her, trying not to seem stiff. God, what could she possibly want?

Johanna gave a smile and waved. Her mouth was blue from the raspberry slurpy she had been drinking. It was impossibly adorable. I lifted a hand to salute her and shoved it back in my pocket. "Lt. Strider, reportin' fer duty. Watcha need, boss?"

I watched her laugh and snort. She loved it when we pretended to be some sort of battalion against some greater force (aka, the whole world). I always earn extra giggles when I used my accent I developed being raised in the south. "Aw Dave! Cut it out! You're late!" I looked over to a clock and found that I was indeed five or so minutes late. "You want a slurpy or anything? Get one before we head out if you want it."

"Nah, I'm good." I shook my head and raised an eyebrow. "Where we going? Dirk said something about this being important."

"He was kind of right. I mean, it's not life or death or anything like that." She shrugged and headed out the door, motioning for me to follow. "We're just going to take a walk, alright?"

Around our school there are several shops. We live in a village, but don't go picturing some medieval brick and stone village. It's just a normal, run down town with blocks and stores all packed together. Seven Eleven seemed to be in the center of it, but that was probably just because it's where most of the highschool kids hang out. Ever since it replaced the Handy Pantry, you could find slurpy cups littered across our school. There was a middle school right next to the highschool and a big area of just trees in front of it. Most people used the paths in it as a short cut but it really didn't make a difference whether you went through there or around it on the sidewalk. Both were time consuming. These days, most kids just go through there and smoke weed.

Johanna and I made our way through there. We liked to walk around there and sit on any fallen trees. We have one we and our friends claimed ours. We scratched all our chum handles on it and have been using it ever since seventh grade. We don't really mind that other people use it, as long as they don't fuck up our carvings or write their own. Luckily, no one really bothered it, which to me is kind of surprising.

We finally sat down on it. Johanna had been quiet the whole walk over so I guess she wanted to talk in the comfort of our spot. She finally looked up to me, smile no where to be seen. "Are you alright?" She asked with a deeper-than-usual voice. I'm guessing since she knew I finally know about her wanting to be a guy, she would start using a guy voice. It didn't really seem that much of a guy voice. Maybe a guy who didn't hit puberty yet?

"Alright? Alright with what? If you mean in general, then yeah I'm alright." She kept staring at me. She knew that I knew what she was talking about. "What? Everything's fine. It's fine. I'm just, I don't know." She frowned and sighed.

"Yeeeah, Rose kinda mentioned you were pretty shocked." I frowned and thought. Dammit, Rose! "I mean I guess it's kinda weird? Not for me but maybe for you." She looked over when I didn't say anything. I was still thinking of a response, honestly. I let her continue on. "But, I don't know either. I just want to talk about it with you. Cause like, I heard talking about it, like you know, real good talking is important in times like these?"

I could just tell she was worried. I gave a gentle pat on her back and shook my head. "Yeah, alright. Calm down." I scratched the back of my neck and looked to her. "So hey. Uh, why did you- well, how did you decide that you wanted to... that you wanted this?"

She gives a small smile and I think to myself how much it looks like she was prepared to say this. It's as if she rehearsed for this. To explain her reasoning behind this big decision. "Well. It's hard to explain, but I guess... it just feels right, ya know? Like for me, being just a girl is kinda like... bluh. But being a guy is kinda like... yeah!"

She looked up to me and stared. I blinked once and shrugged. "Well, I've been a guy all my life and it's always been yeah, so I'll just take your word for it?" There was clear uncertainty in my voice. Before I could say anymore, she continued.

"And like... I mean, aside from all that stuff where people think that these things are for boys and these things are for girls, it also has to do with this body of mine." She gestured down to herself. "I mean like, this is kind of embarrassing to say but at this age who _hasn't_ tried touching themselves, ya know?" 

"Little kids and the mentally retarded? I don't know." I tried to not think of Johanna actually touching herself. Not that I haven't done so before but this wasn't the time for a boner.

"Haha, yeah." She jabbed me with her elbow. "But like, I tried at least two times to finger myself. But it didn't feel right. Like, I don't want to say it felt unnatural but that's all I can come up with." She paused and before I could reply, she spoke again. "I just really don't like this body. Wait, I mean like, I like this body! I'm pretty hot! If I could, I'd totally date myself!"

She earned herself a laugh from me. Yeah, I bet she would date herself. I bet anyone would. "Yeah, you're a babe. Everyone's lining up to get a piece of your action, you have no idea."

Johanna laughed along and nodded. "Haha, yeah! But I just don't like _me_ in _this_ body. Oh gosh, this sounds so cliche."

I stayed silent as the laughs subsided. "I dunno. I mean, I think you look great in that body right there. But you'd like great in any body." I waited a beat before adding in, "That wasn't an invitation to become obese or a twig. Stay healthy." She laughed and then nodded, agreeing with me. I looked up and leaned back, catching myself before I fell over. "But hey, are you sure? I mean, you'd think that your old man would miss his little girl, won't he?"

She exhaled and groaned. "I know, I knooow. But he's okay with it. I think the most I've got to worry about is the jerks at school." There weren't that many people who made fun of our group of friends. Just this one girl and a few of her smartass friends. They have a habit of referring to Johanna as a 'man-lady'. None of us appreciate it.

"Well, yeah. That's nothing a stern fucking talking to can't handle." Although I wasn't quite comfortable with this whole 'transgender' thing, I wasn't going to let anyone make fun of her because of it. "Hey, Jo? Are you really sure about this?"

She looked up to me, face looking pretty nuetral. "If I wasn't sure, we wouldn't be talking about it right now." She gently kicked her legs and bumped hers to mine. "And can you call me John? Please? I mean, I'm not mad at you if you forget or anything. I understand after four years of calling me Johanna and all that." She looked up once again, eyes searching my lenses. "But just try to remember whenever you can. Please? I'm thinking of asking my teachers to call me John to, but I dunno."

I was sure if I said anything, my voice would have seemed shakey. I just pulled a smile from my ass and nodded. She smiled in return and gave a playful punch to my arm. She gave a deep, content sigh as if she thought that that was enough talking. She sure did look satisfied with herself, but I as sure hell wasn't. "Alright, cool! Want to go to the library and take out some movies?" I agreed, even though I'd knew she'd take out something we already saw or some weird old movie with a bunch of scratching on it.

The walk to the library was a long one. My house is closer to it than Johan- John's. Hers was near the school and the Seven Eleven while mine was at least a mile away. I think the walk to my house to the library was about two miles? So yeah, we spent most of the day walking to the library and back for three of shitty movies. She- or he? wanted to go to my house to save time but I insisted my bro was busy with his work. He ran an internet puppet porn site that was surpisingly successful. It was after six when we were done and Johanna had already fallen asleep. Fuck, John I mean. I decided to take the movies and go to return them myself. When I walked from her house to the library and then back to mine, it was eight and I was exhausted. 

I collapsed on my bed. This time I didn't even bother taking off my sweaty shirt. Whatever, I'd shower in the morning. I'd need it, too. Knowing Johanna- John? Oh, fuck it- she would be ready to tell the teachers about her new name.

And I needed to be prepared to defend her ass against what would be bound to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to point out that since this is Dave's first person point of view, he won't really be using male pronouns for John. To him, John is still Johanna. So that'll explain why it always says 'she' when referring to him.


	4. Versus everyone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So say you're me and it seems that you've been put into a situation where it feels like absolutely everyone is out to get you, including your potential girlfriend/boyfriend.

Unfortunately, I don't have many classes with Johanna. But I didn't need to have them to hear the word that began to spread. Our school isn't very large at all, so I wasn't surprised that by second period, I'd be hearing "Hey! Johanna's a tranny!" or "I told you she was a shemale!". Naturally, it all made me pissed, hearing about this all. 

Second period is when I have art with Rose. It was a useful period because our assignments were easy and we were allowed to chat until our hearts were content. This was something that I really needed. 

"So guess who pulled me out for a talk and made me walk a few miles yesterday." I muttered as I let my bag fall beside the stool.

Rose have a small hum, her painting already out in front of her. "There's only one person that I know of that you would walk miles for." She smiled toward me as I rested my head on the table. "How did it go?"

I couldn't help but give a sneer. "Oh, fuckin' fab. Guess what! She- Don't give me that look! He, sorry. He gave me an invitation to be 'best bros'! Isn't that, like, I don't know... what you'd call friendzoning? I was friendzoned, Rose."

I could see her rolling eyes in response, which didn't make me feel better at all. "I think it's considered friendzoning if he knows your feelings for him. And you don't have the guts to tell him, so I doubt that's considered friendzoning."

I gave a groan and reached out for a skinny paint brush to dip it in red paint. I started to paint my hand, but it was watercolour so it didn't stay for long. "What if he likes girls though? Like he's a guy so woah! He needs a hot girlfriend or some shit."

Rose gave a chuckle and shook her head. "I doubt that because of his transition, he'll limit himself to females only." I gave her a concerned glance through my shades as she sighed. "I doubt he'll cease his celebrity crushes on Bill Murray, Nicolas Cage, and Micheal Cera."

After pushing myself up Rose and I engaged on a staredown before I finally broke it off. "There's a difference between fangirling and actually liking someone, you know."

I could see she was getting impatient, and who wouldn't? I've been complaining about my crush on Johanna possibly being unrequited for years. Rose was a pretty patient person, but it was clear to see that she was getting frustrated with me. "You know what? I think you should confess to him. That way you can either find out her feelings are mutual or find out if he friendzoned you for sure!" 

It was as if she wanted me to admit defeat. Johanna was a complex network and trust me when I say you can get easily tangled in that web. What was I even suppose to do? How do you even confess to someone you like? Was I suppose to send her a note with check boxes in it? It didn't matter, though. Even if she was willing to give me a shot, I don't think I would be able to date her knowing what she wants to be. I mean, a guy! Really!

Rose put a gentle, messied hand on my back. "You know, student council is planning a small dance for the freshmen. I'm not one to throw out maybes like cheaps cigars, but..."

She trailed off, assuming I knew where she was going with this. Which I did. I looked up to her and shook my head. "That's so fuckin' cliche."

"Cliche enough to be what you'd call ironic?" Her response was as fast as a bullet and had the same power as one. I paused for a minute. Fuck.

I mutter a 'Fuck, fine, whatever,' which obviously satisfied Rose since we continued on the period in silence.

Sixth period I had Lunch with Johanna, Rose, and Jade. There were a few other members of our table, but I wouldn't call them friends. I considered all of them annoying and just hard to deal with. Some angry guy who always seemed to have gossip, a tall girl who Rose was always talking to, some weird nerd with a lisp, and some goth girl who always had morbid stories to tell. Today's lunchtime topic was 'John'. She told everyone how I picked out her name and how it was pretty lame but she loved it either way. Everyone else agreed. While the other two guys were hesitant to the idea the angry one seemed to accept it in his own way by sharing a movie that had to do with trans* issues. I sat there in silence, only speaking to give my amazingly witty replies to everything anyone said to me.

Gym rolled by and it was basketball with the guys and girls. Just because Johanna said she was a guy, didn't mean that she was going to switch from the girls' class to the guys'. It didn't matter too much since the activities we did were almost always mixed.

There were multiple hoops, so they set up three games for us to play. Knock out and Around the World. People who don't like putting much effort into class usually played Around The World (this included me). Johanna decided to be a dare devil today and play Knock Out. So when I was chilling on the unsurprisingly long line I heard a wave of nasty insults and Johanna's voice, my immediate reaction was to turn around and ready myself to play Knight.

I'm sure everyone has a bitch or fifty in their school. Meenah is one of them. One of the good ones. And by good, I mean she's a real bitch. Not one of those who give empty threats. When Meenah says, she actually does. So when Johanna, being the oblivious numbnut, replied to Meenah's insult ("Hey fag! Why be a tranny when you can be a lesbian?") with her own attempt at offense ("So I can tell whores like you to suck my dick.") you could imagine how things would escalate.

It didn't matter whether Johanna was John or not. Meenah went at her and she went back. I'm not sure if you've ever been to a girl fight, but from what I've witnessed, they are much more brutal then when guys fight.

I was there before things could get out of hand. There were a few punches and maybe a scratch, but nothing more. I told Meenah to fuck off and go swim in someone else's ocean. She yelled over the teacher and Johanna yelled back. You would be sure that the situation would settle down more, but there was nothing keeping Meenah from picking up a basketball. There was nothing keeping her from throwing it at Johanna's face. There was nothing keeping Johanna from falling on the floor, holding her face as her broken glasses fell with her.

And there was nothing keeping be back from knocking the shit out of Meenah around the world and back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> throws in dance cliche just because???  
> this fic won't have too many chapters as i thought it might....


	5. Man out of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TG: hey john  
> TG: listen you do whatever you want dont take their shit  
> TG: dont worry i got your back  
> TG: and i also wanna ask you something

I'm not going to say I regret what I had done to Meenah, but things didn't really flow well when I was done. I guess I got her pretty bad. I think she wrecked me even more, though. Either way, I had gotten suspended.

It took Bro awhile to convince them not to expel me. He as sure as hell wasn't about to send me to a different school when all the friends I had that weren't on the internet were in another. He claimed that I was only defending my friend, which was true but Meenah's parents didn't take well to it. Johanna didn't get in trouble since she didn't start it. It was 'self-defense' and her father even went as far as to call Meenah's actions bullying.

I was suspended for two weeks. My bro isn't the kind of guy to punish me, but I wasn't allowed to go outside for awhile. Rose was able to keep me updated about events going on at school. She tried to convince me that Johanna was handling find but I just couldn't help it. She also said that there will definitely be a small dance for freshmen at the end of the year, which was not too far from now. I still didn't even want to go through with Rose's plan, but I said nothing. She had gone that far, the least I could do is go with it and just let myself fail.

In the meantime, she and Jade had been sending me links to factual articles. They apparently had to deal with the whole "transgender" thing that Johanna was going to, but I wouldn't be to sure. I tried to read them, I really did, but something in my brain just kept shutting down as I tried to read them. It was as if whatever concept in there was just not clicking and no matter how hard I tried to understand, it just didn't make a shit of sense. Rose only made it even more complicated and Jade was horrible at explaining them. Further in my two weeks of punishment I decided to just stay offline and stare into the ceiling, trying to make sense of the words I had previously skimmed in my head.

I was sure the situation couldn't get any worse until one fateful notification.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 17:21 -- 

EB: dave! dave are you on? you should be don't even pretend you're not!  
EB: i need to talk... and i want to talk to you and not rose or jade. cause it's like THAT important.  
EB: uuugh what are you even doing? i thought you were grounded.  
EB: get back soon.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now online at 17:28 -- 

TG: what happened  
EB: there you are!  
EB: jeez, where have you been? i thought you'd be home and online. you said your bro wouldn't take away your internet privileges but yet you haven't been on at all!  
TG: out of all the things to worry about my absence is your top priority??  
TG: what happened  
EB: alright... well lately in school everyone has just been up in my neck, you know?  
TG: youre going to have to explain  
EB: ok. they're all like hey that's pretty girly of you to do that! or that's not what a real guy would do.  
EB: gets getting really on my nerves and i don't know how much of it i can handle...  
EB: like, it's making me question if i'll be masculine enough to actually go through with this.  
EB: i don't know anymore... i don't know what to do.  
TG: wow  
TG: tell them to fuck off  
EB: if only if it were that easy! i don't know dave...  
EB: what if i just drop this whole thing for now and pick it up again when i don't have to deal with these jerks. it seems easier but i really don't want to do that.  
TG: well i guess whatevers the best plan  
TG: wait hold on bros calling me ill get right back to ya  
EB: alright. :(

I got up and threw down the chair I was sitting on in frustration. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I wanted to ask the heavens why Johanna was making everything difficult. I tried to understand, I did my best. But right now, I just wanted to quit. I wanted to quit and live the rest of my life as a bum traveling on a train because FUCK that seems so much simpler than everything I was currently going through.

But I didn't do any of the three things. Instead I just threw more of my things in the ground in a fit of rage and listened at the heavy footsteps that came up. Bro opened the door and raced toward me. He thought I was a mess; I saw the reaction he had plastered on his face. He grabbed me and forced me to calm down, having me sit on the bed and repeating over and over again that I had to chill. I soon did and rubbed my face under my shades. I was so tired and I knew it showed.

Before he could even fit a word in, I spoke up. "I'm done, Bro. I give up. I'm done. I can't handle shit anymore." He knew what I was talking about. Business with Johanna, but I hadn't told him what was specifically going on. "It's like a giant, fugly monster manifested from all the stress Jo has given me. It's eatin' my intestines and using my bones to build a toilet and take a shit on my remains. Do me a favour and put me in a museum. I think you'll get paid big bucks for bringing them the world's most pathetic household item."

"I'd stop yappin' before I take a shit on you." Bro frowned, obviously not amused with my rambling. "What happened with Jo? Ya know, I asked ya but ya'll went and 'sisted that you could handle it. Looks like you were wrong once again. Now spill it before I milk it outta ya."

I pulled my hands away from my face and gave a sigh. "Awhile back, remember when she asked me for a movie night and I was totally sure it was a date? Well she called me over to tell me she was gonna be a guy or some shit like that." Slowly, I began to lay back in my bed. "She got made fun of 'cause of that so I beat 'em up. Now everyone's givin' her a hard time because of it and she's not sure if she wants to continue doin' whatever." I looked back at him. He seemed to be thinking but I didn't give him time to finish his thoughts. "This is all so hard. What is she expecting? And... why the fuck does she gotta be so selfish?"

I quieted down and Bro was silent. I begged him, in my mind of course, to say something. Anything. I was in desperate need of some wise old owl's advice and Bro was the only thing I had. He turned to me and finally spoke. "Yeah. She's suppose to be selfish."

Obviously the expression on my face was dumbfounded because he rolled his eyes and let out a sigh himself. "Dude. It's her decision and you've gotta be chill with that. I mean, fuck it definitely ain't easy to go what you're going through. And it ain't easy goin' through what she's goin' through. So here's a crazy idea. Why not go through it together? I mean, there's nothin' stoppin' you." He paused, waiting for me to say something. When I didn't, he continued. "You've been bitchin' about her since you first met her and I'm fuckin' 'stonished that no one's got her from the way you speak about her. So hey, so she wants a penis. Big whoop. You've gotta show her that you're the only one for her and she's the only one for you. Mental dick or no."

He paused again. I slowly sat up and leaned against the wall, thinking to myself about the words of wisdom just handed to me. I was unsure of them, but how could I turn down this? Yeah, this was a whole fuckery was messed up but I could try. I already tried, but I could try some more. I would try more. I gave a gentle hum and looked up to my brother, giving a thin lipped smile. A Strider thank. He smiled back.

"So, she gotta name yet?" He didn't sound interested or curious but he probably wanted to know for future reference, and to keep me thinking about this.

"Yeah. John." I looked up at the wall and distracted myself with my posters. "She let me pick it out. That was the first thing I could think of."

I could just barely see an eyebrow raise. "You coulda tried harder, but if she likes it then whatever." He sat up straighter. "So are you gonna take action? Or are ya gonna be more of a girl than John is?"

After inhaling deeply I nodded. "There's this freshman thing that's coming soon. Kinda like a stupid dance and I plan on taking..." I thought for a moment, "Him."

I could have sworn I saw him giving me an odd smile of sorts, but it had gone as fast at it had appeared. "Kickass. You gonna make it cheesy as fuck and ten times better? Of course you will. You better."

I nod at him and looked back to my computer. "Well, I better get back to, uh, him. In his little moment of crisis."

I saw Bro nod in the corner of my eye but felt his strong hand on my shoulder. I turned to him and saw that he had a bit more to say.

"Listen. I'm not sayin' everything's gonna work out, but if this kid gets through this then I'll be convinced that whatever happens, he sure as hell turn to be the man he deserves to be. And if you get through it, well don't forget to include me in yer victory speech."

I smiled before patting his hand. "Thanks Bro."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This most definitely took longer than it should have. Eurgh... At least I got it done before school started up again.


	6. To be a dude...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Say you're me and you would do anything for the one you love.
> 
> Including embarrassing yourself in front of the whole school.

"Dad! No more pictures! You've got like, enough to make a damn year book of just us!"

If it weren't for the fact that I had shades on, I would have been blinded like John probably was. He had been taking pictures of John, Rose, Jade, and I. I wanted to go with John only at first, but Mr. Egbert had been skeptical and when Jade butted in then we didn't have a choice. So here we were, having some old dude taking pictures till his heart was content.

I didn't have a suit at first, but John didn't either. Mr. Egbert went through the liberty of buying one for the both of us. Thank god I went with them, so I could at least picked out something that wasn't for a giant toolbag, but it was still too stiff. I wish this was a more casual dance. I could only hope that we weren't the only ones over dressed.

We headed out and got there just on time- when the kids started flooding in the decorated cafeteria and already started dancing. Of course, most of them looked like total losers. Did most of them even know how to dance? 

I looked over to John to see how he was thinking. His face seemed kind of... indifferent? As if he was asking 'now what do you expect from me again?'. I bit my lip and looked around. Holy shit, what was I even thinking? How am I suppose to even be slightly romantic in a room filled with sweaty, dancing kids? I remembered back from when I first asked him to come here with me. He acted like he really wasn't interested, but Rose's plan made so much sense at the time so I kept insisting. And now what? God, why didn't I think this through...?

"So, uh-" I tried to say anything that came to mind, "Wanna dance or something?"

He smiled as he looked up at me, his overbite sticking out goofily. "Oh, woah! I would actually love to see your scrawny ass do some of that Texas square dancing!" He nudged me in the side and I rolled my eyes.

"Calm down, asshat. How about you show me your robo-nerd dance first?" I offered him a trying smile, unsure of my position or of what to do. We both kind of shied to a far side of the dance floor and did really calm, stupid little dances. I felt like a total hypocrite for judging everyone else for doing the same.

We were doing pretty much the same thing about a half an hour later. I decided to go talk with Rose over the now failing plan. John stayed behind and continued to eat some food they served there.

Rose smiled as I made my way over. I myself don't remember being as chipper as her. "Hey, Casanova. How's the charm going? Did you woo John with your expert skill?"

"Can it, Lalonde!" I snapped harshly at her, but in a hushed tone. There was no need to draw attention to us. I looked over at John, who was talking to some girl in one of our classes. I didn't pay much attention since I was pretty mad, but I should have.

"I don't know what I'm suppose to fuckin' do. We danced like toolbags and now I'm pretty sure he's as bored as I am." I shoved my hands into my pockets and she gave a small shrug with a sigh.

"You haven't even tried telling him how you feel yet, I bet. Can you do that?" She raised an eyebrow and frowned when silence followed. "Oh, come on. It can't be that hard."

"Okay- Rose? You have no idea how hard it is! I bet if you were about to go down and tell someone you like them then you'd get as nervous as I am right now."

She gave a snort and shrugged. "Are you sure? Because if I were in your situation, then I'd actually make a plan."

I gave a groan and was about to tell her off again until I heard someone speak into the microphone, trying to get people's attention. It was the girl who started talking to John when I left. I noticed that it was one of Meenah's friends. Or at least someone who hung out with her friends. I wasn't quite sure what to make of this, but I really didn't think I'd like it. I looked at Rose, who had the same dumbfounded expression that I had.

"Ladies and gentlemen! I'd like to introduce you to the Dance's guest of honour! Miss Johanna Egbert!"

Everyone was for the most part quiet. Some people clapped, mostly because others did and they had no idea what was happening.

"What? But wait a second, Are you sure about that? I thought this was John." It was a guy who the girl hung out with. He was pretty large.

By this time, John was obviously uncomfortable as well as confused. He tried to inch away but there was no escaping the bitch here and the big guy. Instead, she kept talking. "What? Why don't you check for yourself?"

The guy tried to hide a sly smirk as he bent down near John, who was desperately trying to inch away from him. In a quick motion, he pulled down John's pants revealing his blue panties. John gave a high pitched scream and I just stared in discuss. Laughter filled the room and the guy continue to speak. "Oh! You're right! Ha! Guys don't wear panties." He jokingly bowed as John tried to pull him his pants. "Welcome to the Dance, my lady!"

I couldn't even believe what I was seeing. Everyone was laughing except me and Rose and Jade. John was running off the stage, almost close to crying. I couldn't see it. He ran out the back doors to escape from this hell off a school. Jade hurried and ran after him. I stood there with a face of disgust.

Until I asked Rose for a favour.

Jade was comforting John. She had brought him back to the room. He really didn't want to be there, but the students weren't allowed anywhere in the school besides the cafeteria. It was alright. No one approached him because Jade was there. Jade is tougher than most kids in this school.

When we were done, Rose followed me out but didn't get on stage. I was going up alone. I grabbed the microphone, but I didn't need to tell everyone to be quiet to get their attention. They all stared up at me with wide eyes. I flattened out the back of Rose's purple dress which was just a little too tight on me.

"Hey." I started out. My voice was stale and I stared at the crowd with invisible darting eyes. "I'm Dave, and as you all might know, I'm a dude." I took a paused and continued. "I'm a guy cause I say I am. So is John. Does his underwear or this dress make us any less of a dude?" Still, silence. "Listen, fucknuts. Just because whatever ain't exactly come up in your life too much, doesn't mean it's not normal. And being a dude without a dick ain't not normal. It's just that. But I guess people don't think it is?" He shut my eyes. The words in my mouth had to come out. I needed to say this. 

"When you're dude, You can be rude  
You can be lewd, a shrewd, and maybe a prude.  
When you're a guy, you can lie and lie back  
But lemme tell you, you don't need a sac  
If you do think so, then you need to pack.  
Who says your opinion is the true fact?  
To be a man, you can be honest  
You can be modest or the oddest  
You don't have to be the hottest.  
To be a guy you've got to be a bro  
You gotta care and you gotta show so  
You gotta pick yourself up when you're in the deepest low  
And you gotta keep moving and go go go.  
To be a dude... You've got to show 'em what you're made of.  
You've gotta show the haters some love  
Create peace like a dove  
And go beyond and above.  
So maybe he don't gotta dick  
But at birth, he didn't get to pick.  
And now it's makin' him sick  
He's trying to make it stick.  
But that's okay.  
Don't mind what they say  
John, we love you anyway.  
And... I love you?  
Uh, yay."

I walked off the stage uncomfortably.

Everyone was laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to rap.  
> One last chapter. This one'll be easy.


	7. Unsurprising happy ending.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So say you're me, and you just embarrassed yourself in front of the whole school.  
> Let's say you don't care because you're the luckiest bastard there is.

It was the worst night ever.

Okay, so we left the school. We made a quick get away since I couldn't take the humiliation. As a result, Rose and I didn't have time to change back into our clothes. We walked a little while before heading into the woods. Our spot was empty, as per usual. We sat down and sighed. We didn't say anything to each other as we walked over, and we still didn't have anything to say.

Jade started to speak to Rose, telling her HOW MAD she was about what they did to John and how they laughed at me. She wanted to plan a way to get back at them but Rose was hesitant to agree to take drastic measures.

John turned to me and bit his lower lip. It seemed like he was trying to contain a smile. "Your rap was terrible."

I gave a groan and shut my eyes. Now that I thought about it, yeah. It was poorly executed. I could barely think of any good that actually came out of woah John is so close. I tried to think of something witty to say but he had caught me so off guard that my mind wouldn't cooperate. "Uh, yeah. Sorry."

More silence. Even Rose and Jade looked over and kept their conversation to a whisper. I would thank them later for not interfering.

"Why did you do that?" John looked up me with now a questioning face. I bite my lip and shrugged.

"I thought I was pretty good."

A roll of eyes. What a sass. "No. I mean wear Rose's dress and make yourself seem stupid."

I rolled my eyes and shrugged gently. What was I suppose to say that wasn't said already? "Because a guy wearing a dress is more distracting than panties? I don't know."

Even more silence. At this point even Jade and Rose have stopped speaking and seem to be listening. I stared at them and soon John caught my glance and was also looking at them. The four of us stare at each other until Rose gets up to excuse her and Jade, even though Jade is reluctant to leaving.

John turned back to me once more with a raised eyebrow and a small smile. It was awfully dark outside so I could barely see. Not that it mattered, since I could slowly feel John taking the sunglasses off of my face.

I would have normally felt exposed, but this was John. Even before this whole change, he had been my bro and my best friend. He had seen me at my best and at my worst. I was just fifteen years old, though. There was bound to be more ups and downs, and that was probably true for John too. But hell, I wanted to see those too. I slowly wrapped my arms around his small body and he did the same, bringing us close together in a weird hug that didn't seem to fit. We'd make it work. I was bound to stop growing sooner or later.

"I love you too. Now take off that dress, you're "too cool" to be this hot." John gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"So wait- does this mean we're like- uh, boyfriends?"

"We will be when you take off the dress. That looks really tight."

"Oh yeah? Well I think it looks fucking-" I was cut off by dry lips and bucked teeth slamming into my mouth.

It was the best night ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEAH MY FIRST FINISHED FANFICTION! Thanks for all the nice comments and kudos. They were all great! I already have planned the next one.
> 
> You ever heard about the book: "Me, Earl, And the Dying Girl"? It's really great and hilarious! My next fic is kind of going to mirror that in some ways.   
> "Me, Dirk, And the Dying Jerk". A Davekat fanfiction. I'm still in the process of planning it but I think I'll be able to get the intro within a week.
> 
> Anyways... I'm done with this and it was great writing it. I hope you guys liked it as good as I? :)


End file.
